CPT Asshole

Spring 2005, and love is in the air...

Ahh, springtime. The smell of freshly cut grass, birds chirping, sunshine warm enough to put you to sleep. And I guess that's what happened to me, I sat still too long, and almost fell asleep. Those birds are sure noisy, but wait, they're ducks. I really hadn't paid much attention to them, but now I realized they woke me up.

They're flying in circles like a Nascar race, but there's only 4 ducks. Finally, the lead duck lands, and is immediately set on by the other three. I realize she's a female, and I'm watching the mating dance. Only it's more like a duck gangbang, the way she is held down by one, with another mounting her. Meanwhile, the third is pecking at her head, trying to hold her still, but she's not having any of it.

The one mounting her must have finished, but whether he did or not, he moved. At that instant they all paused, and then all of them seemed to move at once. Both the ones holding her down tried to move into position to mount her, while she found herself momentarily free, and got away.

She flew off as fast as she could, with both males who hadn't had her, in hot pursuit. The momentarily satisfied third male, took up the rear of the chase. She flew out over the bay and circled back, flying over land, then back out over the bay again. The males kept the pressure on until she tired, landed and got nailed by them again. She flies off, and the race is on again.

I notice that sometimes, one male will rest while the others chase her. Then the one that rested goes after her while another rests. They keep this up until she's too tired to fly anymore, and when she lands, they're on her again.

They're in the water this time, trying to hold her head under to control her, while being mounted again. Such vicious birds, such violence in their mating, these birds don't kiss, that's for sure.

Now I'm tripping on this, and wondering if this is what happens when you don't have a mate. Law of the jungle, pick off those separated from the pack, caught out alone. But that's not it, this is nature, there's no good or bad, right or wrong in nature, that's just the way it is. There's no love, no warmth, except the fire created by forcing themselves on her.

And in their way, the males have no choice either. They're just playing out their roles, doing what they were meant to do. Not like people, people never have sex without warmth and love, do they? People never have sex without kissing, do they? People never force themselves on each other, do they?

Which is more disturbing, seeing two men kiss each other lovingly, or seeing a woman raping a man? Which is more disturbing, seeing a 35 year old woman and a 13 year old boy loving each other, or a man raping a woman? Which is more disturbing, a woman breastfeeding in line at the market, or another woman spanking her little boy for misbehaving in line at the market?

People don't act like bees, going from flower to flower, pollinating everything along the way, do they? That porn stuff isn't really real, they really aren't kissing each other. They're just sticking their tongues in each other's mouths, and sucking on them, but they're not really kissing, they're acting.

No, people never make love without kissing, like the ducks do. Because if they do, they're not acting like people, they're animals. Even if a couple were desperate to have a baby, and they've been trying so long. They'd never just go through the motions without thought of each other's pleasure, would they? They'd never have sex without kissing. No one would want to conceive under such circumstances, would they?

The human animal can do whatever the hell it wants. Sure, we're capable of great, wonderful things. And we're capable of being kind, gentle, loyal, loving people who never hurt anyone, and there are many who are. But if we choose to act like animals, we can be the worst kind.

We have the ability to tell the difference between acting like ducks, and acting like human beings. Sometimes that doesn't stop us from making the wrong choices.

What's a wrong choice? Maybe I'm wrong to think that we should try to conduct ourselves as human beings, instead of animals. Maybe we're not being true to ourselves if we keep the animal inside us locked up forever? Don't animals need to run free, and hunt something down every now and then?

If we are the highest form of life we know of, doesn't that logically mean we are capable of the worst, as well as the best?

So, I'm playing golf in Arizona weeks later, with my father and stepmother. We're passing by a pond, and there's all these ducks that look like the same kind of ducks I remembered seeing mating in the Bay Area. Dark brown, average ducks, except these are swimming around this pond in pairs. My father notices them, and my stepmother says, "You know, they mate for life."

Yeah, if you mean they never stop...I say only to myself, and remain silent.

Ahoy from the Captain.

posted by cpt asshole @ 11:03 PM