CPT Asshole

Captain's quick driving tips

First, when it's your turn, take it. Pay attention so you know when it's your turn, and take your turn when it comes. Believe me, if you don't take it, someone else will. Whoever stops behind the white line (or boundary of intersection if there's no white line) first, should be the first to start again. At four way stop signs, do not wave others through unless your car is broken, take your turn, that's what everyone else is waiting for you to do, so do it. Remember, it's only your turn if you take it, if you don't, someone else will.

Never stop for something that's not moving if you have room to go around safely. That's why they put steering wheels on the car, so you can go around things. Try to do it without stopping.

If someone waves you in front of them, get moving, everyone's waiting on you, no one will cuss you out, unless you can't keep up with the car in front of you.

If someone passes you on the right, it's your fault for allowing them room to do so. You're supposed to be driving on the right side of the road in America, and you use the left lane to pass, not to cruise. If you do your job properly, no one will ever be able to pass you on the right.

If someone pulls in front of you, it's your fault for leaving them room. Remember, if you leave the room, someone will use it. Since one must leave distance between them and the car in front, don't get mad at anyone for using that space, when it's your fault the space is there in the first place.

If someone is driving improperly, due to their talking on a cell phone, hold your horn down until they hang up, or are out of hearing. They will have a hard time hearing, and the best part is the person they're talking to will hear your horn as well, and wonder what's going on. This works best if you keep a small sign in your car to hold up while doing this, the sign should say, "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?" Sometimes, you can even get other drivers to join you in this.

Ahoy from the Captain.

posted by cpt asshole @ 11:20 AM